It's a long and lonely road

Well I have some good news readers :) I am not single anymore. God has put an amazing guy in my life who has put me on the right track and has me living a glorifying life for Jesus :) Jeremy Simmons. Not only my best friend but my boyfriend. He makes me happy, treats me right and is just an amazing example of God's love and just is amazing. I am very happy with where my life is headed and can not wait to see what happens.

Other news is that track is going well. All the girls qualified for polevaulting, I am very proud of them. I am also proud of the guys who did well also. So to change subjects abruptly I would like to just say stuff that's been on my mind. It probably wont make any sense but it's my way to vent and just get it all out..ya know?

So lets see, I really dont like people who start drama for no reason and then people who think that I am being rude when really I'm just telling you the truth and you just can't own up to it. Not my problem. I have also been thinking about him again. It sucks to miss someone so much who hurt you so bad. I did love him and he will always be a good friend to me but I really need to just get up build that bridge and get over that boy fast. I have a new one in my life and he makes me much happier and I can just be me. I still have the doubt in my mind about alot of stuff too but you know who doesnt? I really just wish that everything that I didnt want in my life would just go away and everything I wanted would come in or stay. You know what I mean?

Lets see the other day well yesterday when I was hanging out with Jeremy I was thinking about how much better I feel and how I feel like nothing can hurt me when Jeremy and I are together and how I feel so strong in my faith when I'm with him and how he keeps me in check..I really like that feeling. I can't wait to get back in the place I need to be with Christ.

Yesterday at church there was a powerful sermon about where will you be and what will happen when Jesus comes back and how close we are to that moment. And it seriously scares me because I know I am like 65-70% sure about how I feel but that little percent that I have left is the part that is scared and worried, it is just hard to give all of me when I dont know. All I know is that I love God with all my heart and soul and I know who he is and what he did and I am thankful for it all but that little part of my brain is telling me what is going to happen arent you scared. And it hits me how scared I am. I don't feel prepared at all. I need to put on the armor of God and get prepared, I need to shout it from the roof top that I am a daughter of Christ. That is my goal is to get to that 100% assurance with no worries or anything. Keep me in your prayers.

Kelli.

Can I get a EAGLE CALL!

There is so much going on in my life right now I just dont think I can sum it up in words in my blog..I feel like the more I go back to normal the more I wanna go back to before normal. And I just am so confused on everything. Don't get me wrong I am so happy right now and I am glad that I am single. I think I might have feelings for someone..but I'm not sure what is going to happen. There is alot on my mind these days. I am just focused on track and school. I really need to get back in the right routine of things. I really miss alot of people who just decided that I wasn't good enough to be their friend anymore..pretty shady I think so. I really hate how my "friends" think they can just be there when they wanna be there.. I have always been there.. I guess people just forget that..whatever. I really just can't wait for college..because college is where you get your new friends. I love how people think because I'm mad I dont care about them.. Uhh people are so stupid..why cant you just grow up and know what you did was wrong...geezzzz!

well whatever. this is just not a good day.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I'm coming home.

Well this week has had a lot of emotions. I feel like I'm falling back into the old life. Not the bad parts though. I know that having you back in my life is going to change a lot of things. You were there for so long. We hurt each other and we made up. We were friends then we hated each other. We are so hot and cold with each other. And I think that is why I care about you so much and can't not have you in my life. You are the one that I know will be there. So many things run through my mind when you come to my mind. I think about how I gave you so much and how you gave me so much. You had/have all my trust. I know I lost yours at one point but I'm working to get that back. I think about how close we used to be and how we are getting close to being there again. I think about the bad but then I think about how we made up and how everything is ok now. I think about everything we have ever gone through and you and I are not the same at all. We have come such a long way in our 6 years of whatever we are. :) Then I think about you. I think about how much I care about you. How I would do anything for you. How I can't wait to see where our paths lead us. I hope we end up in each others life somehow. And I just know in my heart that, that's love.

Now to what is on my mind...I am sick today. It kinda sucks a lot however Brandon Kersey is the bestest person in the whole world for looking out for me and bringing me Gatorade. I sure love that boy. I came home after taking my awful Precal quiz. I could barley make it to my car. :/ Andddd I got a call from Thomas to make sure I was ok. I love him as well :) haha And then he reminded me of our parent meeting tonight :/ I don't wanna go to it. And then tomorrow is Friday :) Can't wait to hang with my long lost friends. I think tomorrow I'm gonna go downtown and hang with some USC buds and then Saturday I'm going prom dress looking then I will be watching my two favorite kids Amelia and Heath Erwin. I have been lounging around all day. I should probably do something. I guess I'm going to go pick up my room before my mom gets home then Ill go from there.

Have a blessed day.

I'm sorry

I am sorry that I'm a bad person, I'm sorry that I'm blunt and rude and loud. I don't mean to be the way I am. I know that I hurt you with the things that I say out of anger. I feel like a jerk, I know that I didn't mean it but I said it and I can't take it back. The song Back to December makes me cry and think about how I wish I could go back to that night and tell you no and to talk it out and take me back and just forget everything that we fought about and work it out. I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could say that was stronger than I'm sorry that meant how I felt. That could tell you what I really want to. I wish I could just express how I felt without crying and hurting you. I feel like anything I do to try and fix it literally takes me two thousand steps back. I wish like in the song I could go back and make it all right. I know that you love me and I love you right back. We have/had so many memories together. We have so much love for each other and it sucks to just leave it at this. I know it will eventually work out. But I wish I could just say sorry and I wish I could just go back fix it and everything be ok in the blink of an eye. I hate that I cry when I think about us because I'm not sad I'm hurt. All my music talks about how they feel about each other. And it just seems that all these songs represent everything between you and me. You have seen me through so much and I feel so safe with you and so myself and I just hate that I can't feel that way with anyone else. You are the only one I can be corny with the only one I can be a nerd or a loser with and I dont feel completely retarded. I miss all of it. I really just want to say I'm sorry for everything and that I love you to the moon and back. You will always be the apple to my pie.

What a day.

So much on my mind today. I feel that I get one step forward and then two steps back.
To the person who hurt me the most: I just hate going through these things without you here. I wish that I could just move on and be happy again. I really want to be happy. I can't get on my facebook without hurting, I can't listen to music, I can't just ride around. Everything has my mind wrapped around you. Everyone says it's gonna get easier. Everyone says I'm gonna find someone better. I feel like that day will come...after a lot of pain and tears. All my music reminds me of you, which sucks because music is suppose to be my safe haven. Well guess track is now. You hurt me, and you know what I don't even think you care. I feel like everything I said and did for you was a waste of my time. Everyone is trying to comfort me but you were the only one that could. And now I don't know if I will ever want to talk to you again. Life moves on everyone says well my life will move on. It will just be hard to look back on my senior year knowing I spent it all with you. I don't think you realize the pain you caused me, the hurt and the sorrow. Crying is the worst thing you could make me do and well you got all the tears out. I hate how hurt I am when I think about you. I hate knowing I will never get over the fact that you don't even care.
To the person who makes it all better: You are my best friend. You are the only guy in this world that I can depend on. You have all my trust and all my love. You have been in my life for along time now and I don't know what I'd do without you. You are always there, you have always been there. Even though we fight..alot I know that because you love me you will be there no matter how mad I make you. You are my best friend in the whole world. I hope we stay that way forever. Just kidding I know we will. I love you to death and I would do anything for you. You are the one that tries so hard to make me the happiest person in the world and make things better. You think beating everyone up that hurts me solves things it doesn't but I love you for it. I don't know what more I could say but thank you for being so good to me. I know I've hurt you but I'm glad we are past all of that and we are moving forward. I love you.
To my Savior that loves me more than anything: I am forever in your debt. I love you to the moon and back and I know you love me a million times more than that. You do so many things for me and I do such wrong. You love me for me I dont have to be anyone different for you, I dont have to try or anything. You love me for all my faults and I love you right back. You make life easier and sometimes harder but I know you do it to make me stronger I love you!

well thats about all i can get off my chest right now.

oh you got jokes.

Oh how I love Mondays. SIKE. However this Monday was pretty great. I was kinda bummed about going because of what happened this weekend but it turned out well. So I'm recently single..yeah oh well life will go on. Right? I have friends and family that will always be there so I'm good.
Any whoooo back to my day..well I went to first block nothing really special there. Got our grades in there I have a B you know not that bad but I'm gonna try to get a really good grade in there. Then I went to second block were I present my project and I guess I did a good job. I was texting Brandon the majority of the day to keep me smiling. Then I made the highest grade on the test from Friday and got a sticky thing that I got in trouble with because I hit Caleb haha. Then he hit me haha oh well. It was fun. Then I went to third block had fun in there and then the real fun came because I went and hung out with Thomas. He came in and turned my mood from good to great. He and I just played around in the office and then we went to Hutch's office where I got picked on because I didnt have lotion for Thomas' ashiness haha.Then Hutch picked on me about my tude and taking my Captain position from me. Then Thomas walked me out to my car like a good bff should. Then I helped Eli with his paper and hung with him and John for a bit then took Tessa to dance. Then I came home jammin and talkin to Brandon.
That's about all I've done today. It feels weird being single again. Especially since prom is like a few months away. AHHH no date for me :P oh well. Oh yeah Kelly and I are going dress shopping this weekend :) ahha
Hmmmmmmmmmm I wonder what will happen whenever I leave..idk.

but yeah back to my train of thought Brandon Kersey def made today a whole lot easier to deal with.. and so did Thomas Perkins..what good friends I have..

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

well dad says to get off bc he has to get on sooo i'm off..have a great night.

<3

What a day.

It's been a long long day. Too much stuff on my mind to write it all down. Just know that I am seriously thinking of some major changes.

Well today at practice I was gonna run with the distance runners but I just thought well since I'm a polecvaulter I might as well do some sprint work so I can show Coach Hawkey I'm actually trying. So I went and did sprint work with my friends..def harder than it looks. I won every race however I paid the price of pain. My hamstring is hurting so bad. I am just laying here and I'm tight and hurting. I wish it'd just get better so I can get back into it. It's like any thing I try hard at it hurts and I just want to run and win. Thomas today was talking to me when we walked to our cars and well I feel like I can do a lot more if I don't focus on the pain but focus on not pushing to hard. He is worried I'm gonna get out for the season and I really dont want that. So I'm just gonna listen to him and see what happens.

I am doing alright in school, I'm more worried now about math. I just can't get what comes out of Mr. Corey's mouth. It is just too much bs mixed in with his math talk. However I am doing very well in Zoology. I really like that class.

Well I'm sitting here listening to Mike Posner's song Please Don't Go. I kinda wanna cry listening to this. With everything that has been on my mind and all that has happened today and yesterday and just this week. I feel like I have SO much on my plate and I can't make everyone happy. Today I realized how bad I need my friends..and the majority of the friends I want there for me..arent there. I just wish that I could go back to the way things used to be before they got complicated. I really wish that God didn't place the trials in front of me because it sure is breaking me down. All I can do is pray.

I guess we will see what is in store for the rest of the night and tomorrow.

Night all.

No Pain No Gain.

Well today is February 1st. Today was a pretty ordinary day. I woke up way to tired, got ready, dropped Craig off at school then I went to school. I got aggravated as usual and then walked to Mr. Corey's precal class. Usual day in there with his sarcasm and everyone laughing. Then went to Zoology were I made a cast of a footprint of some animal haha. Then took some notes then I walked my way to the front office and just chilled and worked. Then I left went home changed played with Lily and then went to practice where I got killed. I hate coaching these distance runners because they stop half way through so I have to run behind them with my hurt legs pushing them. Then we got back to the track and just ran more and Kelsey God bless made things so much easier. She and I just ran and joked and hung out pretty much then I found out I get to polevault tomorrow YAY! I can't wait. Anddddd now I'm home a bout to look up phones to update to since its Feb. and I get an upgrade :). I am about to just sit here listen to music and then I'll eat dinner and hang with the fam. Then hit the hay early because I have alot of stuff to do tomorrow..OHHH andddd I'm thinking about getting my hair cut short again because everyone is talking about how they like it short and I'm getting sick of it not growing fast enough so I might cut it just to make it healthy looking....BUT then I would have to straighten it everyday and wouldnt be able to wear it in a pony tail anymore..hmm price we pay for beauty. Well I'll ask a few friends about it and weigh my options..oh and duh talk to my hair stylist. Hmm idk what more random things I could put in this blog. Hmm well I am working on trying to get a six pack..not working to well.haha oh well uhmm its almost friday. :)

happy tuesday all.