Starting fresh

So my life is pretty awesome..i cut facebook out of the picture and now i'm happy as a clam with my man and pretty ecstatic about school coming up. I still am a little upset about the Gdaddy situation but I know he is in a better place and things are all good. So i'm pretty stoked about starting a new and a fresh. so yeahh

ill write more when i'm inspired

Gdaddy

I love you and you are the only Gdaddy I will ever have. I miss you daily and every second is harder. I hate not having you here. We need you. miss you alot gdaddy. you were a great man. i'll see you soon.

WHAT?!

Oh my lord I hate when people are so wishy washy with me. I know that I talk alot and I know that I may be too honest and too blunt but if you care about me like you say than wouldnt it not bother you that bad good golly mr man why in the world are you being so UHHHHHH! idk what i'm suppose to do or how i'm suppose to react/act to this..i feel like the way i act is rude but its just bc i'm shutting down. uhhh its killin me...well i just needed to get it out i guess..boooooooo this nonsense.

Who says?

RIght now I'm procrastinating..i really should be cleaning up my room but i'm writing on my blog and just chilling..i'm about to clean though i just wanna get stuff on my mind a bit..well i am pretty happy right now i'm going to see my lovely man today and hang with the fam for Papa's birthday. then i have work tomorrow...butttttt i am going to see harry potter with him on thursday night and i was thinking about it yesterday we have been "together" for about two months now..i really like it. i dont care that we arent like bf gf or whatever bc people know we are like together or whatever..i mean i'm with him all the time for crying out loud. i mean yes at times it bothers me bc i feel like we need to jump to that next step but then another part of me is like why? idk being torn in two directions but at the end of the day i get a goodnight babe and a kiss goodbye..and i'm happy. i know he cares about me and i know its gonna work out just fine.

oh and on a random note. i hate pimples! i have been breaking out bad and i have tried everything i've been washing my face with all kinds of face wash..idk what to do. i guess i'll just keep washing it..and i think it might be because i'm so nervous about school coming up so soon! ahhhh

well i guess i'm gonna go clean considering i need clothes for tonight haha...well byeeee

I love you like a love song baby

pretty much the happiest i've ever been...yeah dang straight..friend lauren...she is pretty pissed at me but hey i tried to talk to her and hang again she shut ME down and then said it was my fault bc of some boy...well i can't please everyone and considering the past her and i have...yeah i'm not too worried about it whatever with that though you know..i'm still happy as a clam..well yay peace :)

<333

askjaowihgnksfe

ahhhh just ended the night with a "if you will put up with me...i'd really appreciate it" GAH i really like him..we have our awkward nights..but i love it bc it makes our relationship real..he makes me so dang happy, my heart skips a beat or two when i'm with him..gotta love a man that keeps a smile on your face..good man good man..i know i'm not exactly doing this grammatically correct but idc i'm just so dang happy right now i can't type correctly. i'm just happy..i am thinking about deleting my facebook soon...maybe..idk we'll see..i'm pretty happy with everything i got right now and i'm rarely on fb..i think i'm gonna take photos tomorrow...PHOTO SHOOT! haha well i'm in the mood to dance around and scream giggly into a pillow..just too happy for words...could be the womanly week hormones but idc i'm just happy..and ACC you are def a keeper mr. man..:)

new outlook

So i'm up talking to this new guy..we've been talking now for about a month maybe a little over a month and well this guy has pretty much turned my whole outlook on things around..I feel like my mood is different I feel like everything is different...in a good way. he isn't my typical type of guy but I think thats why I like him so dang much :) We may pick on each other alot but I REALLY dont care because well he makes me the happiest I've been in a long time. I really dont know what it is..we arent even dating and well i think there is a future with him..even though i'm leaving in a month and some change i feel like he will be there for me and he wont leave me..he actually thinks i'm gonna leave him but yeah thats not gonna happen. ahh i just can't believe that this is happening to me..i'm happy, with a guy that isnt a total jerk..there is NO drama and well life is just dandy right now...minus my job of course because well...that just sucks major butt hole.

Who to choose?

So lately I'm in a pickle, I have two great guys that like me and I have to chose one. Choice number A has a past with me and is a really sweet guy but it never works when we try. Anddd choice B is a new guy that I have been hanging out with lately..well its pretty hard but I really think I might chose B just because of how we are when we are together..idk its one of those things that i have to sit and ponder about for a while. Well i'm gettin ready to go to choice b's baseball game :) then i guess go out to dinner or whatever. we'll see. well i'm off to prettify myself :P

toodles ;)

My love for you is so big

I am the happiest girl in the world :) I am so happy with where I am at and what is going on in my life. I feel great..idk what it is..i guess it is because i'm single but i'm happy with someone and there are no strings..idk its just pretty good right now..thats all i gotta say.

Lets do us :)

Today hasn't been that great until about like 10 minutes ago whenever Andrew texted me and well he pretty much turns my frown upside down with every little smiley he sends :). I know its corny but I really like him. I've got a kindergarten crush on this boy. And I'm going to see him Saturday and oh buddy I can't wait. I haven't seen this boy in like a year. Yeah thats a while. Every time we see each other its like BAM right back were I started. I have the butterflies and the blushing cheeks and well the silly smile on my face that doesn't go away when I'm with him. My cheeks start to hurt I smile so much when I'm with him or talking to him. I don't care what we do together as long as we are together because he makes me so happy. I am so nervous and excited to go down on Saturday. I don't know what is gonna happen when I see him. I'm gonna have like a minor heart attack or my heart may skip a beat or beat too fast I might pass out. Who knows. I mean I've seen him on skype dates and stuff but its not like real life you know? And he lets me do me. Like I can do my thing because he knows at the end of the day I'm the one telling him goodnight with a little heart at the end. I don't exactly know what it is about him that makes me so happy. I mean yes I have those things that I can list off the top of my head that are just so adorable, but there is an aspect of him that I can't describe and that is the one thing that just makes me happy. Well that is my rant about my little attraction to Andrew..yeahh we'll see where it goes.

Back on track

So lately I haven't written anything so I'll just update you on EVERYTHING. So I am officially a graduate of Lugoff-Elgin High School :) YAY. I am single but def. looking into someone at the moment..not getting my hopes too high but it looks quite promising. I am doing great in everything right now. I am so happy I couldn't ask for anything else. My friends are amazing my family is great and just everything is awesome. I am still playing church ball right now and I just recently got a job as a nanny with Amy Brown and that will be Mondays-Fridays 730-730..yeahh long days but good money. I recently got a Macbook Pro pretty flipping excited about that. And I am getting ready to head to Charleston for school and well I am STOKED! I am really digging this boy that I am possibly something with. I don't exactly know what you would call what we are but all I know is that I am pretty into him and he is honest with me and just adorable. Lauren is meeting him this weekend and she will be the judge of whether or not I should pursue or stop while I'm ahead. I love her she is the best friend anyone could ask for. We have been through alot but idk where I would be today without her. I dont really know what else to write about..well i guess thats it for now. I'll be sure to add more soon :)

It's my party dance if I want to.

So everything is working out pretty great. I think Wesley and I are trying to work things out. So right now i'm considered "COMPLICATED". I hung out with him Saturday and realized how much i missed him and how much i care about him and how i really just wanna be happy thats all that matters...right? I believe so. I really just want to be happy and just have things go my way. I don't mind living life with or without a boyfriend..it just happens that this guy makes me really happy..we aren't dating we are just together nonexclusive. I really wish that I could just move and be happy. I really wanna be out on my own and just be like mom and dad i'm my own person! haha but i can't do that either.i'm in a little pickle right now..but its ok because in the end Devyn Gainey and I are getting married so who cares :)

Well i'm off to take stupid notes for something i wont study for...again.

<3

Starting new

There is about a month until graduation I'm pretty stoked. I am newly single and trying to figure things out. I really am trying to be happier about all of this but its still sad because I lost my best friend. I mean he was just so not me. Like we didn't fight or anything but it was just we didn't agree on certain things. Or we didn't see eye to eye. I really didn't want to have to change myself to make him happy and that's how I felt. I love him to death and he will always be my best friend but I think that's all we can be because we are in two different worlds...or at least to me we are. I don't want people to think I'm heartless or he is heartless. Because it wasn't like a mean break up it was just a this isn't working out thing. Right now I feel like because I'm single I'm starting to like more people. I love knowing that I can like who I like and do what I like without boundaries. I can't wait to just hang with people and see where life takes me. I just need to live it up to where I am abiding rules and having fun. I just have so much I want to do before I graduate. :) Well I have to go work on my school stuff now so I'll post later.

Lazy Day

"Today I don't feel like doing anything" is the first line to the song Lazy Song by Bruno Mars. Don't we all wish we could just be lazy and "stare at the fan" well I sure do. Especially days when all I have on my mind is either the pain from practice or the pain from a fight with a friend today both those cases are on my shoulders...literally with the pain. Track has been taking a toll on my shoulders and ankles. I really tend to be getting hurt much more. And I just feel that if I work till the end of the season pushing myself I wont be able to walk across the graduation stage. But hey it is the price I pay to be the best I guess. I really just wish I could not do anything and have my lazy day. Well keep me in your prayers.

I'm Legal!

I can't believe that this time tomorrow I will be 18! It is so weird to think that I'll be an "adult" or at least considered by the government. I have no real big plans for the "big day" I will wake up and head to the doctor for my follow up appointment for my knee and then I will go out to lunch with my mom and then go home and get ready for the track meet. Nothing big at all. So I don't know. It hasn't really hit me that tomorrow is my birthday its not like one of those super exciting things you know. Like it'll be a normal day with just a wee bit more facebook notifications. I feel a little lost when it comes to talking about stuff...even though it has been a while since I've posted. I have missed posting lately but I have horrid connection at my house so I haven't been able to get on lately. And I feel like no one reads this so this is more for me to be like OK vent it out :P well on the home front Lisa aka my mother is doing well post surgery. And the fam is glad she is ok. We saw Jordan this past weekend..it was the usual good start bad finish. The love life is the same. Still with my sweetie Jeremy. We are going on two months on the 27th woop ;) Track is going good now that I can actually compete again. I feel like I've come back with a fire that is gonna get me to state or something close to it. Speaking of state...state is on the same day as my cousin Matt's wedding. CRAZYYYY so if I make it to state I'll be missing my cousins wedding. Well we are doing this stupid HSAP testing right now and so I'm stuck in first block till about 11. So no second block for me. Well I don't have much more to say. So I guess I'll see you all when I'M LEGAL!

<3

This is the stuff

Well today was good till Omar took my freaking water bottle and lied about it. Seriously who does that kind of thing? I ask where it is just be like here I took it ha ha. but no you had to lie about it and walk half way to the band room and not give it to me. Jerk move much...i think so. I am so tired and stressed and you doing that just piles it on more and more. uhhhh bad morning. and i'm so just frustrated with today and its rainy for the bigillionth day in a row. GAY!

whatever time to go read my bible for a bit to come down and just talk to God for a while.

bye.

Which road will you take?

This past weekend was DNOW weekend at my church. DNOW is were you have a weekend of fellowship and growth with your age group of girls or boys. So me being a high school senior girl I was with the high school girls. We stayed at The Toole's house. This was a very good weekend. I learned a ton from our speaker and praise leader Brian and Kelly. These guys are on fire for the lord and you can see it in their daily life. This weekend I was brought out on all of my tribulations that I need to work on and grow through. I have a lot of challenges faced before me. Right now I'm reading in Psalms and well it is exactly what I need to be reading. It keeps me encouraged and keeps me where I need to be in my walk. It is so encouraging to read in the morning and just see that God loves me and he made a path just for me. I am working on my patience and putting my intentions into actions and actually walking and letting people see Jesus in me.

A lot is at stake with this. I have already let him down a few times due to my temper and my impatience. This will be a tough task to fulfill however I know that with God on my side and Jeremy helping me it will be easier.

I hope everything works out pray for me.

Tumblr VS Blogger

Right now I'm trying to decide between Blogger my faithful blog or tumblr..right now I'm at a loss however tumblr is a little confusing. And it takes a while to load everything. I"m not sure I can take all this waiting...I'm impatient you know?

well i'm working on stuff for class right now and then gonna finish working on this stuff for Jonathan and Dianna. :)

Love to hear from all of you hoping you're well :)

Won't you Be MINE

Well a lot is on my mind right now so I thought why not write something long and over dramatic since I haven't in a while. I feel like everything is falling apart on my body. I keep braking or getting hurt and I really want to do good this season. So hopefully today the news that the doctor gives is all Thumbs UP. Other things on my mind is how music just triggers old memories and old thoughts. I just had like a flash back of Summer last year. Yeah Kevin Fogle I'm talking you. It was a great summer and ended horrid between us. It happens I guess. I just wish it wasn't so dang awkward every time I say you. I wish that all the music you showed me wouldn't make me miss hanging at your house all day and just lounging watching Weeds and eating home cooking. I kinda hate that we don't talk but you know I guess I'll just have to get over it...maybe one day things will go back to our good ole friendship. Then I hear the stupid music from like the past 6 months and well of course that brings memories of Wesley. He was my best friend, and now well we can't even see each other without getting a pain in the pit of our stomach. It stinks to know that all the times I put my whole self into something it just crashes and burns to the ground. Hopefully this time when I put my whole self and my mind into the relationship it won't burn. I don't think Jeremy will do that to me due to the fact that he is just so darn sweet. He would do anything to keep me happy but he does things that I wouldn't think about you know? Like with Kevin it was like we just had fun nothing we had to force or over think or try you know? and Wesley well we fought yes but at the end of the day we were laughing and just playing. There was no real effort and with Jeremy I feel like I'm trying so much more. Which isn't horrid but it's different and well I'm not so sure if I'm used to different. I guess it's all in God's plan for me, and well that's all I need right now is to follow that. I feel like the relationship I have with Jeremy will grow and glorify God. However I need to work on myself much more to get to where I need to be. I need to be more disciplined on reading the word and talking with God more. I mean don't get me wrong I talk to God and I read my bible...on Sunday and Wednesday. I just need to get more into the word..there is so much I wanna learn and I wanna be closer with God. Well I am pretty much tired of writing about all these stupid musical memories..thanks Music you let me down today..
well on a good note I got a sweet love note from Jeremy and he is just the sweetest bf in the whole world I can't wait to see where things go whether I have to work my tail off or just wing it. I think I love the boy :)

Are you serious?

Man lately I'm just so tired and so lazy about everything. I need to get to work and work on stuff. School is fine but like my body...i'm not healthy at all. I need to start to work my abs and stuff again and then I need to work how I can. Tomorrow I'll find out if I need surgery on my knee. Hopefully I don't need any type of surgery. Well I don't feel like blogging right now because I'm tired and somewhat ready to go to bed. I'll try and write soon. maybe..

<3

It's been a while.

Well lately I've been busy with some things and going back and forth from the doctor. I really wish that I hadn't triple jumped. It wasn't smart..oh well it happens. I'll find out Tuesday what the deal is. A lot is on my mind. I've been thinkin about a lot and just doing alot of stuff and it just sucks to think of what has happened. Oh well you know it has to happen sooner or later..might as well be sooner so that later i feel no pain..

what a waste of half a year. what a waste..

I thought I'd miss you...THAT"S A LIE!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

^ that explains how I feel and everything that's going on..so yeah thats about it.

Thinkin of you and the past.

Man I was looking at old pics and old people I used to be with and be friends with. Man...it doesn't even seem real. Like there is on in particular who i just can't even believe where we both are right now..how it doesn't seem like I spent two years on you. but you know what the heart wants the heart wants...well my heart sure as heck DOES NOT want that anymore. I miss how things used to be sometimes but I'm a better person now.Today has been one of those days that you just like have a memories day. Some of these memories are like recent and some are from years ago but I see how in the end I'm always falling back to who I'm with now. And I guess that shows that he's the one for me. It's a little of a shock too because I always thought I'd be with one person and ended with the other..however with the happiness that is forever overflowing with him I don't mind. Life goes on and where mine is headed I can't wait.

Thank you God for being the best heavenly father. The one that puts things in my way for me to learn and point me into the right direction. I apologize for the mistakes I've made but I'm working on changing it all.

Life is good and it's all thanks to God <3

Sticks and Bricks

Zack Bryant. You are an amazing person you have an amazing family behind you and you will make it through this. I love you and your family. I miss your dad as well. I am sorry you had to go through this so young. I love you and I am always here for you.
Today my friend Zack's dad died early this morning. He was too young but it was his time. God wanted him and God never makes mistakes. It's hard to face the facts and realize that he isn't there anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do when I go to see you. I will always be here for you Zack. I pray for you and your family often. I love all of you so much and I know you all loved him so much. I know you will make it through just rely on God and don't blame him. He loves you and would never do anything to hurt you. He does everything for a reason and I know its tough but it's just one of those things. I am sorry I don't know how you are doing this because I don't know how it is. I love you Mr. Brad. You were an amazing man, you were a great father and husband. You were loved by so many and will be remembered. I love you.

Today is gonna be a long day.

Through the fire and flames.

Today is the first big meet of the week. I'm worried about it because I strained my back/shoulder. It is hurting me bad right now so I'm icing it in first and then i'm gonna take a break from it during second block then I'm going home during third because I just don't feel like being here. I'm tired and hurting and I just wish that I could sleep all day today. Oh and on top of all this it might rain today which means there is a possibility of the meet today being cancelled..what kinda nonsense is that?! It must be a sign that we don't need to go against this big team. I hope it's not cancelled but at the same time I do because my shoulder is killing me. Anywho on a different note I got a dress yesterday from Peyton to try and see how it works out..well its red and long and Lisa and Lavoy like it so that's an added plus. I'm gonna have to try it on with everything and see how it all looks because last night I wasn't feeling it. This ice is making me numb. Which is good, and Jeremy is keeping me smiling so that's good as well. Man I am one hungry munchkin right now. I can't wait to leave and go eat at home. I'm starvinggggggggg! Lets see what else is on my mind.....oh my lordy I have WinterJam Friday :) Wesley is going (: and so is JEREMY :)) I can't wait to spend time with them. And then Saturday we are having a big BBQ for Thomas's sister who is coming into town. It'll be a good weekend. And I think Jer and I are gonna hang Sunday night which will be fun. Well I'm gonna go play tetris now. Have a great day :)

<3

For the first time

So today is over well for me at least. I'm pretty tired and sore from practice buttt it was a good practice. I'm ready for the meet Wednesday. I didnt get to see Robert today but thats ok. I'm just bummed he isn't coming to the meet on Wednesday. But life goes on. I am so drawing a blank on what I need to do. I should probably be studying. Or like doing my scholarship stuff but you know i'm a little tired and I can't even write on here I'm just blabbing about nothing..i can't spell either I've hit spell-check about a gillion times now. I'm too tired to finish this..good day however...good night.

BYEEEEEEEE

You gotta keep your head up!

Today is Monday. The start to a new week. Well this will be a very busy week. Today I had review in Precal and I have a test in there tomorrow and then we are working on a project in Zoology and well that is semi easy. And then Wednesday I have a track meet the official FIRST of the season :) I get butterflies just thinking about it. And then Thursday we have a test and then Friday we have STORY DAY in Zoology :). So yes I have a busy week. But I love busy weeks. It gives me something to do. :) So Kelsey and I have been talking about boys today and its been a pretty great day so far :) I love talking to her because we always end up laughing or singing :) Haha..right now I just felt like listening to some of my new music and just blog about everything that is gonna happen and everything that has been going on. So Kelsey and I are talking about moms and our relationships with boys and stuff. It is so good to have someone to talk to. I love talking to Kels about everything. It's so funny because we are open with each other about a lot. She just left for band and I'm stuck in here alone now. But anywhooooo...I am good I slept good and today has been a pretty great day so far. And after this I'm gonna probably write some notes to friends and then I'll be in the front office for a block then go see my long lost brother Robert :) and then I'll come back for practice. YAY. I really hope I do good today. I'm gonna work on turnovers and rollbacks. The two hardest things. It's gonna be a good week. I feel it. Well I'll probably post something later today or tonight about practice and everything. But yeah I'm off to go get crunk to my new CD :)

Have a blessed day. <3

We're gonna take a boat to the end of the world.

I'm sitting in class listening to Dave Matthews Band, its something that goes with my mood I guess. I'm in a sorta sad just blah mood. I am worried for Zack and Thomas and Mr. Brad. I hope everything is okay and that he has overcome it again. I just want everything to be okay. Today I have a track meet and all this being on my mind and the pressure of being captain and Coach Hutch not being here is just a lot to have on my shoulders. I mean half the team hates me because they think I'm just being a bad word and the power has rushed to my head when really I'm just trying to make them better and us better as a team. It's just a lot. I hope that today everything goes well and that nothing worst happens. I am just going to try and focus on the positive today and not think about everything and just worry about me. I am going to work on this new project I got in Zoology and then during the next to blocks I will focus on the meet and get ready for that. It is going to be one of the longest Wednesdays of my life. I really need a good hug and just some words of encouragement. I just wish that I had Thomas here because he understands where I'm coming from and he isn't here. :( And it's like with all this stuff going on right now I'm on like thin ice just waiting for someone to say something or do something and I just break down just blow up on someone. I hope God keeps me in check and keeps my heart and mind at ease. It'll be a long day.

Kelli

We're exactly where we are suppose to be.

Today has been a very long day. The end of my day didn't happen the way I thought it would. I got some distressing news and then the person who claims to be my "best friend" is being a pain in the rear. But whats new right? I am apparently always wrong and will always be. Whatever get over yourself dear. I didn't say anything that you told me because I'm not like that. I'm sure you probably said something but whatever I don't care I'm over the fact that everyone is mad or upset with me. I am happy with where I am and who I am. So :P on you. Oh my lanta why must high school have so much nonsense. Really I just can't wait to leave here and go to Charleston with Jeremy and have our life away from Lugoff. It'll be great. Other thing that is on my mind is Mr. Bryant. He is in the hospital right now and I am praying that he stays with us. He is such an amazing man and I just pray that he and his family stay strong and everything works out. I love the Bryant family and hate to see them hurting. Keep them in your prayers please. I know this is random but I have so many emotions going on right now. I just need to get them all out. I am so just upset. :(

I love you Mr. Brad.

Kelli.

You made a 100...no you didnt. :)

I am in second block right now AKA Zoology, I just finished a test that I totally ACED! And now i'm blogging so I can get this stupid writers block out of here. This nonsense is killing me. I'm trying to write my 800 word essay for this darn scholarship. And well right now it's not working. I have to write 500-800 words about the 6 shots I took, and well that's really hard because the criteria is very specific on what we need to do and well I can't concentrate. I really need help so I'm probably going to get my mommy or Jeremy to help me :). Ohhh yes to keep you updated on everything else that is going on, I have a lot.

Tomorrow is our first home track meet scrimmage thing. I don't have a clue who we are going against but I don't care I'm just excited to be competing again and getting back into the flow of things. I really want to run the 800 but I'm not sure exactly what will happen when I try out for it today. Lets see well track is working out pretty good so far just kinda busy working on my own to get better. And Jeremy and I are good. We are gonna hang out today and idk what we are gonna do but that's ok because I just have fun hanging out. And tomorrow we are going to get some food before the meet/scrimmage thing. AHHHH I still have writers block. But it is all good I have till the 11th and I already have all my pictures so we are good. Right now Devyn is sitting next to me and I told him I would add him in my blog and he said that I would just put a little line but I'm about to blow him up and show him that I will write a lot.

So I love you Devyn YOU are my BESTIE :) Your hugs are phenomenal and you always make my day better just by smiling at me. You are such a great friend and you're super silly which is just an added plus. We just made a heart with our hands you said it was precious then you me and kelsey made a triangle of hearts and it was great. Now we are talking about you shaving your head. And we are picking on the girl that sits behind us which is mean but it is still pretty comical. Well there is your paragraph for the day my dear :) Te AMO!!

Well I still have pretty bad writers block but oh well this was nice to just write for a while. Might write some tonight but I'm not sure. So hope you have a blessed day and God works miracles in your life :)

Kelli

It's a long and lonely road

Well I have some good news readers :) I am not single anymore. God has put an amazing guy in my life who has put me on the right track and has me living a glorifying life for Jesus :) Jeremy Simmons. Not only my best friend but my boyfriend. He makes me happy, treats me right and is just an amazing example of God's love and just is amazing. I am very happy with where my life is headed and can not wait to see what happens.

Other news is that track is going well. All the girls qualified for polevaulting, I am very proud of them. I am also proud of the guys who did well also. So to change subjects abruptly I would like to just say stuff that's been on my mind. It probably wont make any sense but it's my way to vent and just get it all out..ya know?

So lets see, I really dont like people who start drama for no reason and then people who think that I am being rude when really I'm just telling you the truth and you just can't own up to it. Not my problem. I have also been thinking about him again. It sucks to miss someone so much who hurt you so bad. I did love him and he will always be a good friend to me but I really need to just get up build that bridge and get over that boy fast. I have a new one in my life and he makes me much happier and I can just be me. I still have the doubt in my mind about alot of stuff too but you know who doesnt? I really just wish that everything that I didnt want in my life would just go away and everything I wanted would come in or stay. You know what I mean?

Lets see the other day well yesterday when I was hanging out with Jeremy I was thinking about how much better I feel and how I feel like nothing can hurt me when Jeremy and I are together and how I feel so strong in my faith when I'm with him and how he keeps me in check..I really like that feeling. I can't wait to get back in the place I need to be with Christ.

Yesterday at church there was a powerful sermon about where will you be and what will happen when Jesus comes back and how close we are to that moment. And it seriously scares me because I know I am like 65-70% sure about how I feel but that little percent that I have left is the part that is scared and worried, it is just hard to give all of me when I dont know. All I know is that I love God with all my heart and soul and I know who he is and what he did and I am thankful for it all but that little part of my brain is telling me what is going to happen arent you scared. And it hits me how scared I am. I don't feel prepared at all. I need to put on the armor of God and get prepared, I need to shout it from the roof top that I am a daughter of Christ. That is my goal is to get to that 100% assurance with no worries or anything. Keep me in your prayers.

Kelli.

Can I get a EAGLE CALL!

There is so much going on in my life right now I just dont think I can sum it up in words in my blog..I feel like the more I go back to normal the more I wanna go back to before normal. And I just am so confused on everything. Don't get me wrong I am so happy right now and I am glad that I am single. I think I might have feelings for someone..but I'm not sure what is going to happen. There is alot on my mind these days. I am just focused on track and school. I really need to get back in the right routine of things. I really miss alot of people who just decided that I wasn't good enough to be their friend anymore..pretty shady I think so. I really hate how my "friends" think they can just be there when they wanna be there.. I have always been there.. I guess people just forget that..whatever. I really just can't wait for college..because college is where you get your new friends. I love how people think because I'm mad I dont care about them.. Uhh people are so stupid..why cant you just grow up and know what you did was wrong...geezzzz!

well whatever. this is just not a good day.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I'm coming home.

Well this week has had a lot of emotions. I feel like I'm falling back into the old life. Not the bad parts though. I know that having you back in my life is going to change a lot of things. You were there for so long. We hurt each other and we made up. We were friends then we hated each other. We are so hot and cold with each other. And I think that is why I care about you so much and can't not have you in my life. You are the one that I know will be there. So many things run through my mind when you come to my mind. I think about how I gave you so much and how you gave me so much. You had/have all my trust. I know I lost yours at one point but I'm working to get that back. I think about how close we used to be and how we are getting close to being there again. I think about the bad but then I think about how we made up and how everything is ok now. I think about everything we have ever gone through and you and I are not the same at all. We have come such a long way in our 6 years of whatever we are. :) Then I think about you. I think about how much I care about you. How I would do anything for you. How I can't wait to see where our paths lead us. I hope we end up in each others life somehow. And I just know in my heart that, that's love.

Now to what is on my mind...I am sick today. It kinda sucks a lot however Brandon Kersey is the bestest person in the whole world for looking out for me and bringing me Gatorade. I sure love that boy. I came home after taking my awful Precal quiz. I could barley make it to my car. :/ Andddd I got a call from Thomas to make sure I was ok. I love him as well :) haha And then he reminded me of our parent meeting tonight :/ I don't wanna go to it. And then tomorrow is Friday :) Can't wait to hang with my long lost friends. I think tomorrow I'm gonna go downtown and hang with some USC buds and then Saturday I'm going prom dress looking then I will be watching my two favorite kids Amelia and Heath Erwin. I have been lounging around all day. I should probably do something. I guess I'm going to go pick up my room before my mom gets home then Ill go from there.

Have a blessed day.

I'm sorry

I am sorry that I'm a bad person, I'm sorry that I'm blunt and rude and loud. I don't mean to be the way I am. I know that I hurt you with the things that I say out of anger. I feel like a jerk, I know that I didn't mean it but I said it and I can't take it back. The song Back to December makes me cry and think about how I wish I could go back to that night and tell you no and to talk it out and take me back and just forget everything that we fought about and work it out. I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could say that was stronger than I'm sorry that meant how I felt. That could tell you what I really want to. I wish I could just express how I felt without crying and hurting you. I feel like anything I do to try and fix it literally takes me two thousand steps back. I wish like in the song I could go back and make it all right. I know that you love me and I love you right back. We have/had so many memories together. We have so much love for each other and it sucks to just leave it at this. I know it will eventually work out. But I wish I could just say sorry and I wish I could just go back fix it and everything be ok in the blink of an eye. I hate that I cry when I think about us because I'm not sad I'm hurt. All my music talks about how they feel about each other. And it just seems that all these songs represent everything between you and me. You have seen me through so much and I feel so safe with you and so myself and I just hate that I can't feel that way with anyone else. You are the only one I can be corny with the only one I can be a nerd or a loser with and I dont feel completely retarded. I miss all of it. I really just want to say I'm sorry for everything and that I love you to the moon and back. You will always be the apple to my pie.

What a day.

So much on my mind today. I feel that I get one step forward and then two steps back.
To the person who hurt me the most: I just hate going through these things without you here. I wish that I could just move on and be happy again. I really want to be happy. I can't get on my facebook without hurting, I can't listen to music, I can't just ride around. Everything has my mind wrapped around you. Everyone says it's gonna get easier. Everyone says I'm gonna find someone better. I feel like that day will come...after a lot of pain and tears. All my music reminds me of you, which sucks because music is suppose to be my safe haven. Well guess track is now. You hurt me, and you know what I don't even think you care. I feel like everything I said and did for you was a waste of my time. Everyone is trying to comfort me but you were the only one that could. And now I don't know if I will ever want to talk to you again. Life moves on everyone says well my life will move on. It will just be hard to look back on my senior year knowing I spent it all with you. I don't think you realize the pain you caused me, the hurt and the sorrow. Crying is the worst thing you could make me do and well you got all the tears out. I hate how hurt I am when I think about you. I hate knowing I will never get over the fact that you don't even care.
To the person who makes it all better: You are my best friend. You are the only guy in this world that I can depend on. You have all my trust and all my love. You have been in my life for along time now and I don't know what I'd do without you. You are always there, you have always been there. Even though we fight..alot I know that because you love me you will be there no matter how mad I make you. You are my best friend in the whole world. I hope we stay that way forever. Just kidding I know we will. I love you to death and I would do anything for you. You are the one that tries so hard to make me the happiest person in the world and make things better. You think beating everyone up that hurts me solves things it doesn't but I love you for it. I don't know what more I could say but thank you for being so good to me. I know I've hurt you but I'm glad we are past all of that and we are moving forward. I love you.
To my Savior that loves me more than anything: I am forever in your debt. I love you to the moon and back and I know you love me a million times more than that. You do so many things for me and I do such wrong. You love me for me I dont have to be anyone different for you, I dont have to try or anything. You love me for all my faults and I love you right back. You make life easier and sometimes harder but I know you do it to make me stronger I love you!

well thats about all i can get off my chest right now.

oh you got jokes.

Oh how I love Mondays. SIKE. However this Monday was pretty great. I was kinda bummed about going because of what happened this weekend but it turned out well. So I'm recently single..yeah oh well life will go on. Right? I have friends and family that will always be there so I'm good.
Any whoooo back to my day..well I went to first block nothing really special there. Got our grades in there I have a B you know not that bad but I'm gonna try to get a really good grade in there. Then I went to second block were I present my project and I guess I did a good job. I was texting Brandon the majority of the day to keep me smiling. Then I made the highest grade on the test from Friday and got a sticky thing that I got in trouble with because I hit Caleb haha. Then he hit me haha oh well. It was fun. Then I went to third block had fun in there and then the real fun came because I went and hung out with Thomas. He came in and turned my mood from good to great. He and I just played around in the office and then we went to Hutch's office where I got picked on because I didnt have lotion for Thomas' ashiness haha.Then Hutch picked on me about my tude and taking my Captain position from me. Then Thomas walked me out to my car like a good bff should. Then I helped Eli with his paper and hung with him and John for a bit then took Tessa to dance. Then I came home jammin and talkin to Brandon.
That's about all I've done today. It feels weird being single again. Especially since prom is like a few months away. AHHH no date for me :P oh well. Oh yeah Kelly and I are going dress shopping this weekend :) ahha
Hmmmmmmmmmm I wonder what will happen whenever I leave..idk.

but yeah back to my train of thought Brandon Kersey def made today a whole lot easier to deal with.. and so did Thomas Perkins..what good friends I have..

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

well dad says to get off bc he has to get on sooo i'm off..have a great night.

<3

What a day.

It's been a long long day. Too much stuff on my mind to write it all down. Just know that I am seriously thinking of some major changes.

Well today at practice I was gonna run with the distance runners but I just thought well since I'm a polecvaulter I might as well do some sprint work so I can show Coach Hawkey I'm actually trying. So I went and did sprint work with my friends..def harder than it looks. I won every race however I paid the price of pain. My hamstring is hurting so bad. I am just laying here and I'm tight and hurting. I wish it'd just get better so I can get back into it. It's like any thing I try hard at it hurts and I just want to run and win. Thomas today was talking to me when we walked to our cars and well I feel like I can do a lot more if I don't focus on the pain but focus on not pushing to hard. He is worried I'm gonna get out for the season and I really dont want that. So I'm just gonna listen to him and see what happens.

I am doing alright in school, I'm more worried now about math. I just can't get what comes out of Mr. Corey's mouth. It is just too much bs mixed in with his math talk. However I am doing very well in Zoology. I really like that class.

Well I'm sitting here listening to Mike Posner's song Please Don't Go. I kinda wanna cry listening to this. With everything that has been on my mind and all that has happened today and yesterday and just this week. I feel like I have SO much on my plate and I can't make everyone happy. Today I realized how bad I need my friends..and the majority of the friends I want there for me..arent there. I just wish that I could go back to the way things used to be before they got complicated. I really wish that God didn't place the trials in front of me because it sure is breaking me down. All I can do is pray.

I guess we will see what is in store for the rest of the night and tomorrow.

Night all.

No Pain No Gain.

Well today is February 1st. Today was a pretty ordinary day. I woke up way to tired, got ready, dropped Craig off at school then I went to school. I got aggravated as usual and then walked to Mr. Corey's precal class. Usual day in there with his sarcasm and everyone laughing. Then went to Zoology were I made a cast of a footprint of some animal haha. Then took some notes then I walked my way to the front office and just chilled and worked. Then I left went home changed played with Lily and then went to practice where I got killed. I hate coaching these distance runners because they stop half way through so I have to run behind them with my hurt legs pushing them. Then we got back to the track and just ran more and Kelsey God bless made things so much easier. She and I just ran and joked and hung out pretty much then I found out I get to polevault tomorrow YAY! I can't wait. Anddddd now I'm home a bout to look up phones to update to since its Feb. and I get an upgrade :). I am about to just sit here listen to music and then I'll eat dinner and hang with the fam. Then hit the hay early because I have alot of stuff to do tomorrow..OHHH andddd I'm thinking about getting my hair cut short again because everyone is talking about how they like it short and I'm getting sick of it not growing fast enough so I might cut it just to make it healthy looking....BUT then I would have to straighten it everyday and wouldnt be able to wear it in a pony tail anymore..hmm price we pay for beauty. Well I'll ask a few friends about it and weigh my options..oh and duh talk to my hair stylist. Hmm idk what more random things I could put in this blog. Hmm well I am working on trying to get a six pack..not working to well.haha oh well uhmm its almost friday. :)

happy tuesday all.

Just another manic Monday

Well Happy Monday to all you bloggers :)

Today was a pretty regular Monday with a few random bits in it. I am in a good mood, first time I think I have said good besides fine or alright. Hmm, well any who I went to school as usual then I went and hung out with friends then came home and looked at beach houses for the summer with my mom. Then I jumped in the shower and got crunk to some Fefe and then I walked up in my room and realized how I had let it become a mess again. So I started cleaning. I just finished actually ahah. Oh well it looks nice now. New sheets and everything. :) Uhmm I am about to start homework but I thought I would just blog about my day. I am just listening to my itunes right now because my internet is pretty slow and this was the first thing I wanted to do. I'm addicted haha. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this week. I have a ton to think about. One of the big things that is on my mind is whether I should go to Ecuador with the church for my "senior trip". I have wanted to leave the country but I don't know if I should go. I feel pressured more than passionate about it. My parents don't really care whether I go or not. I really want to just spend my senior summer doing my thing ya know. Oh well I'll pray about it and see where God takes me. What else is on my mind...well my walls are so bare and I got a ton of my pics printed but I don't want to put all of them up and then in like 3 months or so take them all down for college. Oh well I'll experiment. Other things on my mind are college obviously. I am so excited and I am going to be with so many friends one of them being Jeremy Simmons. I can't wait to go down and have our weekly lunch/coffee date haha. He will keep me in check :) My hair is getting so long alot of people told me that today. It was kinda weird because I don't think it's getting that long but must be. I really don't know if I wanna keep growing it or get it cut again. So many decisions!!!! haha Well I should probably get on my homework I have only done one problem and should probably do the rest. Ill chat up here later this week. Have a blessed week.

:)

Let's fly.

So I'm wondering why it is that you group of distinct few are such butt heads. I don't understand why when you do something wrong you put it on me. I look out for my friends and when you are in the wrong you should just man up and take what you dish. Oh and by the way next time dont be so crud because it's not attractive. I would really just love to push all of you out of my life so that I can just go my own way and you yours. I need to stick to God's path and you are pushin me in the wrong direction. Do you realize that? All of you butt heads are pushing me away and getting me into so much stuff I don't need. UHHHH You people are just drama and I can't wait to leave all of you in the dust.

You're still guilty.

I feel like a child. I however am not a child. I am almost 18 legal adult age. I can make my decisions for myself, I can protect myself and my heart. I would like to do things that I believe to be fun. I would like to hang with my friends and not be considered a "floater" or a "hoe bag" I mean they are just my friends. Going to the gym isn't considered a date and it's not considered dating or liking someone. It is considered going to the gym working out your body and coming home..ALONE. Why must you all make things so complicated for me. It seems my only safe haven is music and I can't even listen to that anymore without you coming in telling me to either turn it down or get off the computer because you have things to do. Why must I be treated like a child. I'm always in the wrong, always guilty and it will forever be my fault. Want to know why readers...because I am the only girl in this family ANDDDD I just happen to be the middle child. Ridiculous. This is a fiasco beyond my wildest dreams. I just want to go to the gym. I get a thousand questions and accusations thrown my way. What a world. I do honor you and your decisions and I say yes mam or sir and go on with my life..with a little disappointment and groveling. Why do you have to be so strict. Why can't it just be ok we trust you and that is that. NOOOO it could never be that easy. OH my golly G I wish we could just rush to abuot 630 and I could get ready to go see my friends in Miss LE. but knowing this predicament I am stuck in, the day will crawl along with me sitting sulking wishing I had something to do. Oh how I despise being the middle child and only daughter in this house.
Well I am getting the beckon call to get off and go do something with my life..so since I can't go to the gym I will just to P90X HA LU-POL!

BOOYA mother and fatherrrrr!!
well i'm going to work out by myself since i am not aloud to go to the gym

that was my whining for the day.
tooda loo

Can I get ahh uhmm hmmm urghhh an amazing blue coconut slush

How I love the weekends. My big brother is home and I'm just sitting around with him and Eli. I love these guys quite alot. They pretty much make my days amazing. Well I'm in a great mood..and i can't sleep. i have had an amazing week and i plan to continue it through the weekend. Tomorrow I'm going to see Vic at Miss LE and then i'm gonna go hang with some friends. Oh wowy I have nothing to write about so yeah thats about all. haha i'm off to watch law abiding citizen

Rainbows Unicorns and Precal!

Betrayal, Heartache and Anguish. The things that have just been on my mind. I feel betrayed by friends, which brings me heartache. And anguish well it means being distressed or in other words a big word for upset. I am normally a happy person however with all the betrayal and heartache anguish describes my feelings towards Lugoff Elgin High and its inhabitants. I usually dont have drama but lately with the things that people have been throwing at me I've been gettin a few bits of it. RIDICULOUS!!!!! Oh well you know life goes on and I'll be leaving soon. This is definitely a much different attitude from the last blog but things have changed since then. I feel as though I should just not rely on anyone but God because he will never betray me or give me heartache. He will actually make it all better. Well let us see...what else have I been contemplating on.....hmmm
Well I seem to get injured every practice and it is getting quite depressing. I really am afraid that I'm going to get hurt so bad I'll be out for the season...DEF not letting that happen. Another random thing that is on this mind of mine is that my big bro is coming home tomorrow :) YAY! I can't wait to spend some time with him. I have also been thinking about how music is AWESOME. I knew it was pretty extraordinary before but lately it's been pretty awesome. Oh yeah and just like two point 5 seconds ago my boyfriend called..HAPPY HALF A YEAR baby :) i love you! He pretty much just made my night. I love that fool :) <3 I would also like to throw a "SHOUT OUT" to my track girls. I am beyond proud of you. I love you all and can not wait to make a bond with all of you. :) hmmm Idk what it is about Wesley aka my amazing boyfriend but just hearing his voice turned my sad mood to a happy mood. Golly what a great bf :) haha
So today at track I pulled my hamstring. Not a good feeling I might add and I went to the trainer and well Chanon Dowey I owe you everything you're amazing LOVE YOU BOOBOO! haha
Gosh I'm quite happy this ended on a happy note....btw I am NOT bipolor just have an amazing boyfriend :) <3 Hope you all have a blessed day well night haha

GOODNIGHT <333

In Christ
Kelli (:

It's you and me against the world.

So lately I have been thinking about my "future" and what's going to happen once I graduate. What is going to happen? Am I going to just all the sudden be considered an adult and left out to dry. What will happen. Of course I will be going to college but on my own? What will I do without my mom?! I have had so much on my mind. Just being alone with no one there and my friends that I'm leaving. Lately this song Stuttering by Fefe Dobson has been kinda my song I guess. This transition in my life will show me who is really a friend and a person I can keep in my life. I'm just worried that the people I love the most will be the ones to let me down first. what a sad thought. I just shudder at the fact that I am leaving my best friend of 4 years Kelly here and it will be a piece of my heart gone. She has been there for me through so much I just don't know how it will be when I leave my non-related sister. And then I leave my bestest friend, the one who has been there for me lately the one who I can laugh with and just be silly my amazing friend Victoria McElveen. I think I will miss her a ton. I will miss just hanging whenever we want and talking about whatever and just being there for each other. She is like the sister in Christ that I have needed in my life for so long and is such a blessing to me. Leaving my boyfriend will be the hardest task of all. He is the one person who knows me inside and out, loves me for me and would be here in a heart beat if I needed him. Wesley is one of the most amazing person ever. He is so loving and it will be so hard to say goodbye. He has been there for me through a lot. He has seen me in some tough times and has helped me through them all. I'm glad I have a cellphone and computer because I will by skyping all these people and calling them daily :) haha I love my friends and family with all of my being and I know that God will strengthen me in everything I do.
John 3:30 says "He must increase and we must decrease" this verse has been the rock I have leaned on lately. God must increase and I must decrease, I must set all the petty things aside and fall to my knees and pray. These past few weeks I have just been hit with so much on my heart and all that I can do is cry and fall to my knees and pray. I feel that everything that I have on my heart can be fixed in a matter of seconds in the hands of God but being the stubborn person I am...I want to try and fix it first. This is such a wrong strategy. I really need to work on my heart. Last Wednesday at church Kevin was talking about the 10 plagues and how they could have all been stopped in the blink of an eye. But Pharaohs heart had been hardened to the point of hate. I feel that my heart started to get hardened and I need to let God take control and just give it all to him.
Well thanks for listening or reading I might say..prayers are welcome. :)

In Christ
Kelli